Of Underwear and Tutus
by Twinkling Stars
Summary: James, you’ll scar the first years and have to foot their psychiatric bills, No I won’t, even the midgets would like to see this, What happens when you mix a tutu and a Permanent Sticking Charm? One unhappy 17 year old...
1. Of Underwear and Tutus

**Disclaimer: Everything you recognize belongs to J.K. Rowling, the genius behind it all.**

_Author's Note: I haven't written anything in quite some time, so bear with me as I get back into the swing of things._

Of Underwear and Tutus 

"Potter, I will not allow you out of this dorm room clothed as you are!" said Lily shielding her eyes.

"Oh come on Lily, I've got on underwear!" said James indignantly.

"James, you'll scar the first years and have to foot their psychiatric bills," Lily said, quite seriously.

"No I won't, even the midgets would like to see this," he said spreading his arms wide, looking at Lily.

"I don't appreciate it, and I know that the teachers won't. You're Head Boy! If you don't put some clothes on, I'll do it myself!" Lily replied.

"Have at it, darling!" said James sauntering over to her.

"Fine," with that Lily gave her wand a little intricate wave and James stood there, somewhat shocked in a black leotard and a bright pink tutu.

"Erg… Couldn't it be something else?" he asked hopefully.

"Nope, that's all I'm doing, and I can't wait to watch you try and get it off," Lily walked through the portrait hole with a little bounce in her step, she was good at conjuring clothes and Permanent Sticking Charms were her specialty.

She only got about half way down the corridor before being accosted from behind.

"Get it off me," James was frantic. Going down to breakfast, dressed as he was, didn't seem very appealing, but he didn't know a counter charm.

"I can't, the word permanent isn't in the name of the charm for nothing you know," She stepped around the horrified boy and continued on her way to breakfast. She didn't see James in her morning Transfiguration class, and became very amused. He had detention now, as well as still being dressed in a tutu. She certainly had blackmail now, and quite a bit of leverage.

"If I bargain enough, maybe I can get him to promise to leave me alone," she muttered as she walked across the grounds to Herbology.

"Hey Lily!" someone called, "Wait up!"

Sirius grabbed her arm and spun her around, "Have you seen James?"

"Not since this morning, he failed to turn up for Transfiguration, and I doubt he'll be at Herbology," she replied.

"Oh, okay," Sirius said. He seemed to realize something, and then sprinted after her again.

"Do you need something?" Lily asked him.

"Did you do something to him?" Sirius asked suspiciously.

"He tried to leave the Head's room mostly naked, so yes, I did." Lily said.

"What did you do?" Sirius demanded.

"Wouldn't you like to know? I guess you'll see him sometime, he can explain it." Lily said and then turned tail and started walking briskly across the lawn, with Sirius in tow, asking quite a few question, most of which were deflected or answered in a rather round about way.

By the time they got to the Greenhouses, Professor Sprout was about to begin the lesson, so any further inquiring was postponed.

The seventh years were pruning Venomous Tentaculas that day, so they could have used a few more pairs of hands. Everyone left the Greenhouse sustaining some sort of injury, the worst of which was a maimed arm, which had been inflicted upon Gideon Prewett when he tried to tackle a particularly large one on his own.

The crowd of them were all heading towards the Hospital Wing, so as to be mended by the school nurse. When they arrived, there were curtains surrounding a bed, which was never a good sign. When asked, Madam Pomfrey simply said that a student had had an accident and didn't wish to be seen.

Lily waited until she was the last student in the room to ask Madam Pomfrey if it was James behind the curtains. Before she could answer, a deep voice said, "It most certainly is Flower! Come get this off, I know you know how!"

"Get what off Mr. Potter? I don't know what you're talking about," she replied innocently.

"You liar, you did this, come undo it wench!" James was really irked.

"Now, that's not very nice-" But Lily was cut off by Madam Pomfrey.

"Miss Evans, you're upsetting my patient, out you go, if you don't mind," she said.

"Not at all, Madam Pomfrey, thanks for fixing me up!" Lily then departed, leaving a very frustrated James in her wake.

_Author's Note: This is just a short prologue, I'm planning on continuing. I'm anxious to get this up, I haven't written in so long, I have no idea how the community has changed or what a response this will get. If you read it, please review, even if it's just a few words. Thank you so very much, Happy Holidays! _


	2. The Other Side of the Spectrum

**Disclaimer: Everything you recognize belongs to J.K. Rowling, everything else is mine.**

_Author's Note: Thank you all for your reviews, made my day, they did. I may have to rearrange the first few chapters because I got a good suggestion, but we'll just wait and see about that. Oh, and after this, italics are a character's thoughts, for your information._

The Other Side of the Spectrum

_Why must I be put through this torture? This humiliation? It was just a wardrobe malfunction. It's not like I had anything else to wear, damn Sirius for cursing my clothes and leaving me only with a pair of boxers. I was angry and amused at first, but what possessed me to be so nonchalant and untruthful with Lily? If I'd have told her what happened, she probably would have known the counter-curse and this never would have happened._ James groaned as he thought of this. The right course was glaringly obvious in hind-sight, but had been nigh on impossible to see at the time.

"Mr. Potter, I don't think there is any more I can do for you, I'd recommend going to see the Head Master though," Madam Pomfrey said, and then started to remove the curtains from around the bed she had let him use for several hours.

"All right, thanks anyways," James said gloomily as he stood and made his way to the door.

"If there's anything else you need, don't hesitate to come back, I've got some soothing lotion if that charm leaves a rash," Madame Pomfrey informed him as the door was closing.

On his way to the gargoyle that guarded the Headmaster's Office, he was spotted by several groups of people, all of whom started giggling or sniggering uncontrollably as he passed. The only one he had the energy to hex though was Snape, and that's only because the slimy git offered to match his hair to his outfit, a rather un-called-for comment, in James's opinion.

When James reached the gargoyle, he was met by the crunching sound of turning stone. Professor Dumbledore stepped off of his revolving staircase only to stop abruptly.

"Ah, James. Ahem. I take it you were coming to see me?" Dumbledore greeted.

"Um, yeah. You see, I don't really wish to be dressed this way, but…" James trailed off.

"Permanent Sticking Charm?" Dumbledore asked kindly.

"Mmhmm," James mumbled quietly.

"I've had a few other incidents of things getting stuck places where it was inconvenient for them to stick. I take it that this wasn't your idea. Come up to my office and we'll get this sorted out. Treacle Tart," Dumbledore turned and uttered the password to the gargoyle who sprang aside reverently and gave them access to the staircase.

"Thank you, Professor," James said.

"I must admit that I'm most curious about the way in which you've found yourself stuck in a tutu. Care to explain?" asked the Professor with a slight gleam in his eye.

"I guess I'll tell you. It was all Sirius's fault, well, actually, it was also partially mine, and partially Lily's and partially Remus's and Peter's, well, I guess nobody's really at fault, but Sirius was the one who started it. I woke up this morning and Sirius had charmed all of my clothes to whirl about the ceiling and not come down. The only thing he left for me to wear was a pair of, erm, boxers. I was angry with Sirius, and I guess Remus and Peter as well for letting him do it, but mostly Sirius. Then I thought about how glorious it would be to go to all of my classes mostly naked and see all of the teacher's shocked expressions, only when I got down stairs and was about to leave, Lily caught me. I guess I was a little bit arrogant, and she told me to put some clothes on and I refused. I didn't want her to know that I couldn't, only that I wouldn't. She informed me that I wasn't allowed to leave the dorm without clothes, so I told her that she could dress me. She flicked her wand and there I was in my current attire. I told her to get it off, but she refused. Then I waited for classes to start and snuck down to the infirmary where Madame Pomfrey tried to fix me up, but she couldn't, and now I'm here…"

By the time James finished with his story, they had reached the top of the stairs and had entered the Professor's study and were seated in comfortable chairs on opposite sides of the large desk situated in the middle of the room.

"I see," commented Dumbledore, trying to keep his amusement to himself, but not succeeding very well.

"Can you fix me?" James asked desperately.

"Of course I can, it's really very simple, one just has to know this tricky little spell; Disolvikus Gluikus!"

James looked down, and to his severe displeasure, he was still in the leotard and tutu.

"Nothing happened!" James said in frustration.

"Yes it did, you're still in the clothing, but it is no longer stuck. I suggest you get back to your dorm to change so that you can to and talk to your teachers about what you missed today. I officially give you clearance from any detentions they may give you; this is punishment enough for missing class." Dumbledore chuckled.

"Thank you so much Professor!" James looked like he would stop nowhere short of kissing the Professor if it could properly express his thanks; he didn't of course, and practically ran out of the office and down the stairs. Dinner was in session at the moment, so he didn't have to fear being seen.

He got back to the dorm and dressed properly. He was so relieved and giddy that he left a rather immature and gloating note for Lily to find when she came back, and then he left, winding his way through the corridors and towards the teacher's lounge. He knew from personal experience (namely hiding in the wardrobe) that the teachers met after diner to discuss students and lesson plans and other such boring material.

James knocked on the door and when it was opened, asked for admittance.

"Most certainly not! You are not a teacher, Mr. Potter," sniffed Professor McGonagall.

"Why of course, James!" called Professor Slughorn jovially.

James made his entry and went over to Slughorn first to get the day's assignments. He went around to his various teachers and told them to direct any inquiries about his whereabouts that day to Professor Dumbledore.

_Author's Notes: Sorry that this second chapter took so long to get out. I've been really super busy lately. I've been itching to write and I have so many plot bunnies it isn't funny, but here it is! Enjoy!_


End file.
